Just got my FPHP final assignment back and the marks were pretty bad. I've never been so tied up about results before and i think it's kinda unhealthy compared to how nonchalant i was in the past. Pretty sure it's because of the imbalance in my lifestyle now.

Been looking through old photos on my computer and i really miss the life i used to lead in Singapore. I often complain about my social life and how it drains me sometimes but i guess that's what makes me, me. It's not that i don't have friends here, but the difference is huge. The days in NP were the best days and i kinda wished i treasured them a little more or maybe did that extra bit in school when i could (even though i pretty much got myself involved in many random things already).

So essentially, i just miss a lot of things about the past and probably the whole chunk of words below this sentence is just listing them out and simply reminiscing. Feel free to skip it.

I miss my job at ARVC as a veterinary nurse even though it was a crazy job and it will probably fall under occupational imbalance (what i'm learning right now) since it was 12 hours a day. I enjoyed the sense of satisfaction after a long hard day at work but it was good that work ended because it meant that the constant fear of doing the wrong thing/causing detrimental consequences/getting reprimanded was gone along with it. Still can't forget the 2 back to back night shifts i've done with Randy, one of the best experience anyone could ever have and i'm more than thankful for the opportunities and the people i've been blessed with throughout my life to guide me and open my eyes up to new perspectives.

I miss being captain. I mean, to be honest, i never felt like i was good enough to be the captain of the netball team even though it was of a recreational nature. I've always been the kind that finds validation in others so i guess it had been feeding that need of mine. I do treasure the relationships established through the CCA alot and my juniors and friends are those that i want to keep up with for a long time to come. That's why i went all the way back to NP to meet them when i was back in Singapore for a week.

I miss drawing, making cards and designing whatever. Probably the activity that allows me to destress (or maybe at times stress even more because i'm such a perfectionist in that area). But now that i'm here, it's not really like i don't have the time to do it but i don't have the feel to do it. Does that make sense? Hahaha i have no idea why but it just happens to be this way. Just well, drawing something i deem is nice makes me feel kinda nice inside too i guess.

I miss all my friends. I've been blessed with lots of friends that i've had the honour to meet at different events or in different situations and i really wish i could keep up with every single one of them. Time may render it difficult to meetup with everyone frequently but i believe it's about the effort and commitment to catch up whenever possible amidst everyone's busy lives. And i've always put in effort to do so with my friends whenever i can. It's such a shame that i'm overseas and i have little time to divide among so many people. And it's such a huge gap in time between the meetings too. I just hope that things can stay the same.

I miss my days in NP where i was involved in three CCAs and so many random things. All the opportunities the school had provided, i'm glad i took them up when i could. Miss those productive busy days, the days of committee meetings, planning of camps, executions and reflections. Those were the times where i actually felt useful hahaha. I'm probably just giving myself excuses because i still can get myself involved over here but it's just me being uncomfortable in a foreign country. Singapore was home. Everything was possible.

I miss playing basketball every weekend too. Even though it was just for fun, and there were amazing days and really bad or nua days, i miss those regular meetups and chatting session with the guys. I always knew basketball was probably the only thing that pulls us together and it's sad that i can't participate in that anymore. Besides, everyone is busy and onto different paths, like Guanghan and I arent even studying in Singapore so everything is harder.

Maybe now that i'm studying about occupational therapy and everything revolves around occupation, i miss all the things (or rather occupations) i've been doing in my life. Those of leisure or productivity i guess were what kept me going and motivated to do even better in every aspect possible. That drive to excel and well, just do the best i could.

It's not that i don't intend to do my best over here, nor is it that i've lost the will to achieve more, but my primary focus shifted to studies instead of the more meaningful (well, meaningful to me) things i could do. And i don't really like this life where i'm just concentrating on doing my assignments because studies was never that important to me anyway. After these four years, studying wouldn't mean much anymore. It's what you do outside the classroom, what you do out in the world, the differences you've made either big or small, that counts. Those are the things i'll look back on and smile and be glad i've taken up the chances when i could.

Or maybe this is after helping mal with one of her seminars where the speaker just kept emphasising on saying Yes to every opportunity that comes knocking at the door. How true is that.