X.

Capture your smile,

Hahaha hello. If you're reading this, i assume you already know me well enough so i guess i don't have to say anything here. But well, if not, you should at least know my name. It's Shiyun.

Gotta let go, of all of our ghosts, we both know we ain't kids no more. ♡

Hey guys! I'm on time for my weekly blog post which now falls on a Saturday. I hope everyone's lives have been fine. Please skip the whole wordy portion below until you guys see a picture. Just a random rant about life.

So the past week for me, can be said as the lowest point in my life by far. Things come crashing down out of nowhere and there's nothing i can do other than sit here feeling helpless. Been emptying my tear glands at least twice a day but i'll just take it as maintenance to prevent over accumulation hahaha. There's a lot of things in life that one cannot control and this is probably one of them right now. It's here to stretch my limits of pain and sanity. But with that being said, whatever the outcome is, i'll still become okay in the end because life goes on.

I'm just like any other humans with many flaws. Egoism, lack of confidence, insecurities, self-righteousness, self-centredness and my inability to cope and adapt well to studying overseas. As much as i hate to admit that i am weak, i am in that i cannot be as composed as i am back in Singapore. This life isn't hard, it just isn't comfortable. And that brings down all my tolerance thresholds. I am aware of my wrongs, and i do try to be a better person everyday, but just like most things, it's easier said than done.

The past week, i've lost my worth, my drive, and the remaining confidence i have of the good qualities i used to think i possess. What i used to think was right, suddenly seems wrong now. What i used to think was good, suddenly seems bad now. I admit i used to be complacent about certain things, thinking that i've been through alot and i know how to handle situations but i realised there's still a hell lot about life that i don't understand.

Stuck in this dilemma of whether the gamble is worth the risk. But again, if you don't try, you'll never know. But then again, which part of this week makes me think that all this is reversible? I have no idea which side to choose, the one i want or the one i am. What is left of me? And what is me?

It's 19 days until i get back to Singapore again for a short 1 week break. I wonder what will happen, whether things will turn for the better or the worse. But for now, i guess my only option is to do nothing and just survive through these days.

Sorry for the long rant. Here's my normal update on life.

Qt Mal with a flamingo hat from the kids section | Azrael sleeping on the bed with his paws covering his face to prevent the sun from shining into his eyes so that he can continue sleeping

So for the past one week, Mal has been having farm placement at Swan Valley and i'm pretty much her house husband cooking lunch for her when she comes back. She always has to wake up at 4.30/5.30am and only when her day starts, my day ends because insomnia has been being a bitch recently. Not that i have nothing to blog about, but everyday's pretty much the same old routine being unproductive all day all night.

We did go grocery shopping and some shopping at Kmart though. Everytime we enter Kmart, damage is done to our bank accounts. Well done us. I still can't believe that we spent a long time spazzing at the soft toys and underwear for little girls - and we bought them HAHAHA. Been spending alot of money recently HAHAHA i even bought a ManUtd jersey. Think i'm crazy.

Super thankful for having Mal with me in Perth and also her company for the past one week. She's probably the only one pulling me back from insanity. Can't express how much love i received and can't express how significant she is in my life. Definitely would have went mad without her. Not looking forward to go back to school and KV where the walls are thin and everything can be heard LOL.

I'll get through this.