I'm not too sure where to start either. 

Just one random day in 2018 i decided to buy a book (which i've not done since i stopped reading the Horrible Science series when i was 10 or something) and lucky for me, that book was amazing. It was The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F* by Mark Manson. Never read a book that resonated with my perspective of the world this much, and of course, it opened up many other perspectives for me too. For those who haven't read it, this book teaches you to accept that you're average with hundreds of f words accompanying the chapter (and that's just chapter 1). I guessed i loved it so much that i went to the library while i was back in Singapore to pick up more of such philosophical, emotional intelligence and self-awareness books. The truth is, no books are going to be mind-blowing at every single page, but there is certainly something to learn from every book. 

So one of the mantras (if i can call it so) that i've been trying to use in my life is 

Acknowledge the thought, let it go

Whenever something angers me, brings me anguish, irritates me or well, anything that gives rise to negative feelings pops up, i go back to this. It does help me let go of the negativity brewing inside me and react to whoever or whatever situation in a better way. 

I can't remember which book it was, or what the exact details were, but i read somewhere about the labels we give ourselves and how we try to live up to them when there's no need to, which i now agree with the author too. Throughout my life, i've been giving myself labels like 

Lazy:

So that i have an excuse not to work so hard and if i do well i can attribute it to my intelligence (yup egoistic little shit, and of course i know that's not a good one to have) 

Caring/always there for my friends/good listener:

And i burn myself out caring about my friends more than i care about my life, did many things i didn't want to do because of felt obligations

Strong:

Force myself not to cry even though sometimes i really need to, and when i do, i face all the self-deprecating thoughts in my own head. Having to be the least affected, avoiding emotional situations, and i realised that made me smile much less back at home as compared to when i'm out (and i already dont smile much when i'm out, you would agree if you know me). 

Well, these are just some of them. But the point is that, everyone is always changing, and no one should feel a need to stick to labels, or even opinions. If we start out wrong, all it takes is for us to change our perspective, thoughts, actions, and change for the better.

My words are probably not conveying my thoughts very well, both in terms of accuracy and way of delivery, but i guess the gist of it is there. There are tons of other thoughts going on in my head but even i myself cant catch up with my own pace. So those of just some of my random tiny takeaways from the books. Personally, i guess it's more like a self-discovery and self-awareness process and journey that i will continue on.

2018 was also the year that i finally brought my parents on a holiday. To be really really honest, i didn't enjoy the trip much, but i'm still glad i did it. Whenever i travelled, i always felt that it was unfair that my parents didn't get to travel and see the world much. Partially because they need to work and save for us kids, and maybe also because travelling wasn't as advanced or affordable when they were my age, so as their child, i felt that it was my responsibility and duty to give them this opportunity. Though it wasn't the best one, i hope it isn't the last either, especially after i start working. I'm just thankful that my parents are still relatively fit and healthy, and that i've learnt the importance of treasuring and appreciating my parents (no matter how annoying, unreasonable, ridiculous and difficult they can be) early (i would say 23 years old is pretty early in the sense that i'm still able to do alot of things and spend more time with them). Sometimes staying home may sound like a more attractive option to going out to the coffee shop for a meal with the parents, but i make sure i tag along whenever i can because someday when they're gone, i don't want to remember the day i chose to stay in the comforts of my home and regret missing out on the time we could have spent together over the meal.

I would say, i've also learnt to part with money a little bit more too. I guess one would be the random 'fuck it' moment that i decided to just buy my air tickets to visit Peihao in Canada (most expensive flight ever, longest flight ever and i was taking it alone) and also other tiny things like learning to treat yourself and also your family and friends a little more. I aim to be more generous in charity aspects too this year. Of course, saving money is still important. It's just about a good balance and knowing when and what to sacrifice a little. 

Extremely thankful for my friends who treat me the same even after being away for such a long time. Thankful for their patience and understanding when i'm not physically available for them and when i really have no time to meet them even when i'm back in Singapore. It's so hard to prioritise and manage with the little time i have back home and meet-ups can end up being at yearly intervals or even more. But i am so glad that our connection is there and things haven't changed, except the fact that we're older. Here i am back in Perth but there are still people that i haven't met with for a long long time. I just can't wait to be back for good! 

And of course, the past year spent with Peihao has been great. I think we grew alot together as a couple as well and we've been constantly learning more about each other. Long distance relationships are hard, especially with time difference like last semester when he was in Canada and me in Perth but he makes it easy. I'm thankful for his commitment to the relationship, his thoughtfulness, his patience and his love towards me every single day. Can't wait to be back with him again but first, for him to be back in the same timezone as i am. 

That's pretty much it for 2018. 

2019 will be better, and every new year will be. :)