The last blog post i had was in September 2021 and many things have happened and changed since then. There are so many things to be grateful and appreciative of that i'm not sure where to start.
I am happy.
Not just happy today because something good happened or i ate some yummy food, but i am happy with myself and where i am in life right now.
Over the past couple of years, i've learnt to draw my boundaries clearer, regulate my emotions better, take responsibility and initiative to do things for my wellbeing. I've learnt to be less extreme in terms of my perspectives, more forgiving towards myself and more accepting towards things that i cannot change.
I also just started a new book today - It's On Me by Sara Kuburic. I had it since September this year but i've only opened it up today hahaha. It's only been 2 chapters but i resonate a lot with what the writer has been sharing so far. She talks about taking accountability for the direction in which we want to lead our lives, highlighting that inaction is also an action, which essentially is a choice that we choose to make. I do share the same beliefs and it has guided me in how i approach difficulties in my life, which i believe has brought me to where i am today - happy and at peace.
Recognising that we always have a choice to change things can make a whole lot of difference to our lives.
Guilt is a feeling that i constantly struggle with. While i've grown to realise that actions driven by guilt often serve to soothe yourself rather than actually help the other person, and that i consciously try to practise not doing so, i still find guilt a barrier to truly being free in doing what i feel is most beneficial for myself. At times it feels like a little rope that ties me to a tree holding me back. On the flipside, it does also motivate me to take charge of what i need and should be doing. It is something i hope i can continue to learn to balance; between my perceived responsibilities and what i want to do.
I am also trying not to worry too much about the future, not to anticipate too much of what may or may not come, but to be present and enjoy the simple happy moments in life. Much easier said than done definitely, something that i hope to do more of.
Having a safe space definitely helped in all of these.
After getting a new surname and a new house, every day is just made up of simple joys. It's funny that as i'm typing this, i can feel the guilt creeping into my mind about how my mum must miss me a lot, how my niece must be missing mogz a lot and how i am not visiting them enough and spending enough time with them. I hate having these thoughts, and i also hate the next thing i'm going to say because i feel like it comes from a selfish point of view, but i know this arrangement is the best for my mental wellbeing. So much internal struggle just in this short paragraph.
But anyway, some updates on the year that is transiting into history:
- Rotated out of a toxic work environment and back into an area where there is good team dynamics and where i find meaning in
- Went to New Zealand and had the opportunity to witness the one of the most beautiful landscapes on earth (NZ was on my bucket list since young)
- Moved into a new house which has all our personal touch in it and it turned out with all the good vibes we always wanted our home to have
- Got married to the best partner in everything - trying new things, doing household chores, eating nice food, working out... maybe except shopping hahaha
To more self-growth in the years to come, and to many years of happiness with this man.
A little (or rather very) lazy to upload more photos but here's one of my favourites from the PWS.
Love the golden hour glow over the lake and grass! Even more so when i was there, taking it in with my own eyes.
May we all have a wonderful 2024 ahead!